President’s Day Makeover Rocked NYC

by Specialist Gisselotte Ventura , N.J. National Guard

On Monday February 18, 2013 five of my Army National Guard battle buddies and I were chosen to partake in the “President’s Day Makeover” organized by Shining Service Worldwide  It was billed as a salute to “First Ladies” and was their reward for our hard work as first responders during Hurricane Sandy.

We were chosen by one of our sergeants for a job well done. Sergeant Brito and Pamela Kulisek both informed us of what Shining Service was putting together for us. On our way to the makeover we were filled with excitement, nervousness and we did not know what to expect. From the minute we entered Riccardo Maggiore’s Salon everyone was very welcoming. For the first time we were the ones being rescued and catered to.

We had gotten a breakdown of what our day would consist of but believe me, it far surpassed our expectations. Everything was so well organized. The stylists and Fox 5, who filmed the event for the evening news broadcast,  were eager to know more about us and where we came from. Being in the military we very seldom find people who are genuinely interested in who we are, it has mostly been about what we have done.

Words cannot express our gratitude for being granted the opportunity to meet so many inspiring people.  It was as if we were queens of the city. We were complemented from the minute we arrived and even after we said our goodbyes. All the stylists kept us engaged in conversations about what they were doing to our hair, nails and make up, providing us a real level of comfort.

Then it was time for our big reveal.  We changed into our party attire ready for the final  piece to an amazing day. Linda Franklin and Trish Rubin welcomed us to Shining Service Worldwide and provided us with a beautiful Shining Service bracelet and gorgeous red pashminas.  It was a very emotional moment for us. I was even more excited because this same week marked my fourth year in the military and what better way to celebrate your service.

Then if was off to TGI Fridays for lunch.  We were greeted royally and ushered to a special section just for us.  Then it began.  Champagne toasts, followed by a delicious lunch and an open bar for our pleasure.  The manager of Fridays at 56th and Lexington Avenue and the server, were at our beck and call with fabulous service.

Our combat boots were taken off, children were left at the babysitters, and professors and employers were notified of our absence. It was as if we were part of a fairy tale – only it was real life.

Linda, we learned so much about your organization and we praise what you all do for women in the military. Again thank you not only for the makeovers, the delicious meals, or the toasts but for introducing us to your organization and what you do.  – Hooah

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family. Our goal is successful re-integration back into civilian life.

Military Makeovers A Big Hit

by Linda Franklin

Our military makeovers are the best.  Yes, I am bragging but honestly, they are the best. Nobody does it like we do.  Just look at these beautiful women with the huge smiles after being primped, pampered and dressed in their new outfits.

Our military gals were then ready for their grand entrance at our Fleet Week Celebration.  They rocked the house.  Everyone wanted to shake their hand, thank them for their shining service and hear their stories.  One woman said for the first time in her life she feels really beautiful. That’s a first step in changing a life around – feeling good about yourself.

This is the beautiful space we held our celebration.  The food, wine, vodka tasting, cupcakes and raffle were all better than I could have every hoped.  We had almost 200 guests.  

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration to civilian life.

Memorial Day Created By Women

by Linda Franklin

Much of women’s history is missing from our public story.  Did you know that women were almost entirely responsible for the recognition of Memorial Day?  I didn’t.

Memorial Day originated during the Civil War and until recently, the day focused on the terrible war between the states that, at tremendous human cost, ended slavery. Just weeks after the Civil War ended in April 1865, Ellen Call Long organized a women’s memorial society to reconcile embittered enemies.

Usually named some variant of “women’s relief society,” groups sprang up in both the North and South that not only memorialized the dead, but also cared for the war’s disabled and its widows and orphans. On June 22, 1865, women adopted these profound, forgiving, and future-oriented resolutions.

The document read in part: The object of this meeting is to initiate a Memorial Association…that shall perpetuate in an honorable manner the memory of the gallant dead We are done with the [Confederate] cause…and are willing to do all that women can do to stem the tide of bitterness…and angry feelings… We will practice and teach forbearance and patience, which must finally bring peace and justice.

Wouldn’t it be a different world if all people could emulate Ellen Call Long.  I think it’s up to the women to make that happen.

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration to civilian life.

Female Vets Worry – Will They Need Me Now?

By Al Detres  

One of the scariest things about returning home after a lengthy time away is the thought that since your family survived without you, why and how will they need you when you come back?

There are a couple of things to keep in mind here. First of all, whether they just barely survived by eating fast food and turning yesterday’s shirts inside out to wear another day or actually thrived while you were gone.  You need to know that you were missed. No matter how they got by without you, there is nobody in the world who can love the way you love your family.

Step one is to let them know that you and your love are back for them.

Secondly, your role may have changed and you need to give yourself some time to find out where you now will fit in. This can be a freeing experience.  Before you left, the most important thing that you may have done was cook and clean. Since you weren’t there to do that, it was still done, which means that they can do those things (not as well as you, of course), but that may free up your time to spend helping with homework or playing games with them.

The best way to find out how you fit in now that you are back home may be to quietly watch how your family interacts and look for opportunities to enhance that interaction, without interfering or trying to change things.

Pray for the insight and opportunity to see and fill those areas of need that aren’t being filled. Ask how you can help; share your ideas that you have learned while abroad. Make yourself available and be open to whatever role you will now fill. The greatest commodity that you can give to your family, no matter how long you were away – is you!

Al Detres is a father of four and a Christian Minister in Oregon who has a son currently serving in the US Army.

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration to civilian life.

 

Karilyn Bales Blogs About The Anguish Of A Military Spouse

by Linda Franklin

Karilyn Bales wrote a blog about her daily life as a military spouse.  She detailed her pregnancy, with her husband a world away. She described the knot she got in her stomach from missing him. She wrote of her disappointment after he was passed over for a promotion.

But mostly, Karilyn Bales — the wife of Staff Sgt. Robert Bales, the soldier accused of killing 16 Afghan villagers last week — relayed the simple anguish of life as a military spouse, tending to a home with two young children, with a husband summoned for repeated deployments.

“Bob left for Iraq this morning,” she wrote in her family blog on Aug. 9, 2009. “Quincy slept in our bed last night.”

She described surprise phone calls and solo doctor’s appointments, attempts to clean the house while Sergeant Bales was gone and the “bad dreams” she woke from after a nap on the day he left in 2009

Though much of the family’s online presence appears to have been removed in recent days, the fragments that remain capture the daily travails typical of any family with a loved one stationed abroad.

To read more check out the front page article in Sunday’s New York Times.

My heart goes out to Karilyn and all the militaryspouses who are left behind with so much on their plates to deal with.

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration to civilian life.

Sexual Assault – The Secret Pandemic

by Linda Franklin

In the latest string of shocking sex assault allegations in the military, eight female Marines stationed at the U.S. Marine Barracks in Washington, D.C., one of the country’s most prestigious bases, filed a lawsuit claiming U.S. military officers tolerate a ‘staggering’ level of sexual assaults.

Lt Ariana Klay and Lt Elle Helmer both claim they were raped.  In addition, little or no justice followed the alleged incidents, and their fellow Marines ridiculed them for being ‘sluts’ and ‘walking mattresses.’

One of the plaintiffs in the case is Lt Ariana Klay, who graduated with honors from the U.S. Naval Academy, joined the Marine Corps, and went on to serve in Iraq, claims that her rapists threatened to kill her and said they wanted to humiliate her.

One Marine in charge of filing complains posted a supposedly-satirical ‘Hurt Feelings Report’ to their Facebook page, with reasons for filing including ‘I am a cry baby’ and ‘I want my mommy’.

The lawsuit is the latest in an alarming number of sexual assault allegations and estimation by secretary of Defence Leon Panetta that more than 19,000 assaults annually occur within the ranks.

Lt Klay and Lt Helmer first spoke publically about their stories in The Invisible War, a documentary slated to be released this spring that looks into the alarming amount of sexual assaults and rapes within ranks.

It’s time for women in the military to be heard!!  It’s time to clean house and for justice to be served!. 

For more on this story and The Today show video click here.
Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration back into civilian life

Personality Disorder – Army’s Badge Of Dishonor

by Linda Franklin

The New York Times printed an article this morning on ‘Personality Disorder’ and what it means when the army decides you have it.  It’s an eye-opening read and it should be read in it’s entirely, but here’s a brief synopsis.

Capt. Susan Carlson was not a typical recruit when she volunteered for the Army in 2006 at the age of 50. But the Army desperately needed behavioral health professionals like her, so it signed her up.

Though she was, by her own account, “not a strong soldier,” she received excellent job reviews at Fort Leavenworth, Kan., where she counseled prisoners. But last year, Captain Carlson, a social worker, was deployed to Afghanistan with the Colorado National Guard and everything fell apart.

After a soldier complained that she had made sexually suggestive remarks, she was suspended from her counseling duties and sent to an Army psychiatrist for evaluation. His findings were shattering: She had, he said in a report, a personality disorder, a diagnosis that the military has used to discharge thousands of troops. She was sent home.

She disputed the diagnosis, but it was not until months later that she found what seemed powerful ammunition buried in her medical file, portions of which she provided to The New York Times. “Her command specifically asks for a diagnosis of a personality disorder,” a document signed by the psychiatrist said.

Veterans’ advocates say Captain Carlson stumbled upon evidence of something they had long suspected but had struggled to prove: that military commanders pressure clinicians to issue unwarranted psychiatric diagnoses to get rid of troops.

“Since 2001, the military has discharged at least 31,000 service members because of personality disorder, a family of disorders broadly characterized by inflexible “maladaptive” behavior that can impair performance and relationships.

For years, veterans’ advocates have said that the Pentagon uses the diagnosis to discharge troops because it considers them troublesome or wants to avoid giving them benefits for service-connected injuries. The military considers personality disorder a pre-existing problem that emerges in youth, and as a result, troops given the diagnosis are often administratively discharged without military retirement pay. Some have even been required to repay enlistment bonuses.

By comparison, a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder is usually linked to military service and leads to a medical discharge accompanied by certain benefits.

Though it is impossible to know how many veterans are disputing their personality disorder discharges, Vietnam Veterans of America, an advocacy group, with help from the Yale veterans legal clinic, has sued the Defense Department seeking records they say will show that thousands of troops have been unfairly discharged for personality or adjustment disorder since 2001.

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration back into civilian life.

Veterans Living with Post Traumatic Stress

 

by Fuzzy Manning

Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) is an agonizing pain that wears away at you, dulls your senses, and changes your reality. Constant dull pain has a detrimental effect on your daily life, relationships, your job, and family. You do not realize the toll it takes on your physical, mental, and emotional health until a family member or friend tells you. By then your behavior and mannerisms have already shifted. When you begin to see the following things occur within your life, you need to take action to turn them around: 

• Chronic depression
• Rapid mood swings
• Scheduled isolation
• Anger and raging 

Turning your life or pain story around is about breaking the cycle of suppressing your pain. Your pain won’t go away or lessen if you avoid it. Your pain will grow in intensity and aggressively drain more energy. This leads to spinning your life out of control and using depression, over eating, excessive sleep, anger, or isolation to numb the pain instead of dealing with your pain story. You can’t turn your life around until you’re able to turn your pain story around. Your pain story is who you have become. How often do you use depression, addictions, rage, or avoidance to suppress the pain with your story? Is it effective? 

You may make inappropriate choices because of lack of information while you attempt to resolve your PTS. Some choices you make could be due to not knowing how to start the process, accepting that there is no easy solution to your problem, not asking for alternative help early on, or not understanding that some of the answers are within you. We as a nation are faced with a PTS crisis effecting over 17% (53 Million) of theUSpopulation. PTS creates invisible wounds and broken hearts. There are no quick fixes and there are no external wounds that indicate closure and healing. This is a process that takes time, patience, understanding, compassion, and love. 

This is where the rubber hits the road. Allopathic medicine, insurance companies, and the Veteran Affairs (VA) and Department of Defense (DOD) are unable and unwilling to deliver a solution. What they offer is: 

• Prequalification and testing to be treated
• Clinical therapy with conditions
• Prescription drugs: antidepressants & pain pills
• X-Rays, CT Scans, MRI’s, Radiation, or Surgery
• Conditional treatment of veterans and active duty personnel 

If you do not meet their qualifications your treatment is denied. Also, if you desire treatment other than clinical therapy, surgery, or drugs treatment is denied. If you believe that you can wait for the government, allopathic medicine, drug manufactures, and the insurance industry to do the right thing, they won’t. Even though you put on the uniform and placed your life on the line and now want them to treat your PTS, they are unable to. PTS is a family issue that is resolved through alternative therapy and treatment and the support of a loving family. 

 

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration back into civilian life

Transitioning Home

by Gloria Wilson

 

My brother just returned from a deployment in Afghanistan. He turned 20 while he was there. It was his first deployment and I did my best to prepare him for his experience, but you can never fully prepare someone.  Each deployment is unique to the person in the midst of it. Every experience shapes a person differently because the life you have lived thus far affects your actions and way of thinking. He told me more of what he was going through because he felt I could understand.  I had been in the military for 12 years and had returned from Afghanistana just a few months before he arrived there. 

 

He has now been back to his home station for a month.  Although I tried my best to prepare him for the transition of being back home, I don’t think it really hit him that it really is a “transition” and not an automatic “everything is the same now that I’m home”.  That was until he started having anxiety attacks. 

Anxiety attacks, from someone who just returned from a deployment? Weird right? Obviously not because many have heard about the difficulties service members face when they return from war zones.  But, what’s important to note is, we’re still not where we need to be with providing military members information and tools necessary to know that this is normal.  Letting them know  they are not going to get in trouble if they let people know they are struggling, and that needing help during the transition home isn’t a career ender.

Sadly my brother only knew he was experiencing anxiety attacks because he finally googled his symptoms. Only then did he let me know because I have made it my business to be his military mentor.  He felt I would understand and know what to do.  

 

What scares me isn’t the anxiety attacks, it’s the fact that if he didn’t have me to go to, he wouldn’t have told ANYONE. He was worried there would be repercussions.   

 

We had a long conversation and I explained to him that isn’t the case. I let him know about various options for counseling such as talking to Mental Health professionals and Chaplains, where information is kept confidential. I let him know there are always options and to never feel you have to keep quiet about needing help. When we were done I could almost feel the sigh of relief that he let it out when I told him, “Hey, this is normal.”

 

You would think people like my brother would know this because we hear stories all the time. But when it’s actually YOU experiencing it, you find yourself thinking that only people who have experienced the absolute extreme go through difficulties, and that your experience doesn’t fit the bill. You feel that what you went through wasn’t horrific enough, and you don’t see yourself in the same category as the publicized stories you hear. You understand that you’ve been through some stuff and seen some stuff, but you tell yourself it’s different and you should be fine. This is one of the reasons so many ignore the signs and don’t tell anyone. 

 

My brother will now receive the help he needs.  But what about those without a sister who happens to be in the military with similar experiences? Well if you’re in the military, have the candid talks with your troops before, during and after a deployment. Be that person for them—it’s your duty. You may be the only person they feel can understand.  

 

If you are a non-military person and they go to you, be there for them but understand that all the love in the world may not be enough.  If you truly care for that person you will acknowledge when you are out of your league and direct them to also seek assistance from the entities equipped to help in these situations.

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Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration back into civilian life

 

HIRE ME! Michelle Roxby, Black Hawk Chopper Pilot

By Phyllis Furman

The article below was featured in the New York Daily News as part of their new feature on Iraq veterans returning home and looking for jobs.  I wanted you to read it – it’s important for all of us to understand the challenges they face.

As a Black Hawk helicopter pilot shuttling soldiers between army bases in Iraq, New York Army National Guard warrant officer Michelle Roxby had a clear mission:

Deliver her passengers safely.

But when Roxby, 33, returned to New York from a second tour of duty in Iraq in 2009 to begin her job search in the civilian world, she felt lost.

“It was the first time in my life I didn’t know what my next goal would be,” said Roxby, who lives in St. George, S.I. “It became almost depressing.”

For many returning New York-area veterans, the feeling is mutual.

While a job search can be brutal for anyone, it is especially frustrating for veterans like Roxby who achieved success in the military.

In addition to being one of the army’s few female Black Hawk pilots, she has held several key jobs in her military career, including running a team that managed survival gear for 85 air crew members.

More recently, she spent months training to be a maintenance test pilot, testing aircraft to see if they’re ready for a mission.

“I knew I had so many abilities. I had flown multimillion-dollar aircraft,” Roxby said.

“Many veterans are used to having high-level responsibilities. It’s frustrating to return to the civilian world and not be able to continue utilizing their skills.”

Roxby grew up in Glendale, Queens, and enlisted in the Army National Guard 11 years ago, just before graduating from SUNY Albany, where she got a B.A. in geology. She was ordered to active duty for the first time in 2003.

When she returned from Iraq three years ago, she had no clear career path in mind. Roxby, who also has a master’s degree in forensic sciences from George Washington University, looked for jobs on Craigslist and on Idealist.org, a listing of nonprofit jobs.

Within a few months, she found a position working for a nonprofit veterans mentoring program. But the drive to continue to improve her military skills led her to leave that job and focus on her training.

Luckily, as she trained to become a maintenance test pilot, from March to October of last year, she continued to earn a paycheck and a housing allowance from the Army National Guard.

But last fall, because of budget constraints, her paycheck ended and Roxby found herself looking for a job again.

She changed her strategy. She’s now focused on networking with her connections both inside and outside the military.

The results, so far, appear promising. Through an army contact, Roxby learned Citigroup was seeking to hire veterans. Though she did not get a job, she remains in touch with bank recruiters and execs.

In the meantime, she is confident that the skills she cultivated in the Army National Guard will benefit a civilian employer.

“I am an organization guru. Anyone who needs a wealth of information to be organized and prioritized, I am your person,” she said.

“I have some great contacts. My résumé is out there. I just need to find a home for my skills.”

Shining Service Worldwide is a charitable organization that supports all women who are part of the military family.  Our goal is successful re-integration back into civilian life.